Coping with Anxious Thoughts: 5 Simple Techniques to Help Calm Your Mind

Anxious thoughts seem to be one of the most frequent struggles of my generation. Without being formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it can be easy to feel like ruminating thoughts, excessive worrying, panic attacks, or even physical changes like faster heart rates and palpitations are “normal.” I’ve struggled with symptoms like these and similar for the past few years, and I know how much of a burden this can put on day-to-day life. While talk therapy has been incredibly helpful for me, I’ve also learned that there are simple yet effective techniques for managing these feelings. The key, I’ve found, is consistency. Here are the five techniques I use to calm my mind when anxiety arises.

1. Write It Down

Journaling was something I was never really keen to take on. I was reluctant when it was first recommended to me because it felt like I already knew mentally what I would be putting down on paper, and that felt a bit redundant. However, it started feeling like I was getting hit with this recommendation left and right from my therapist to close friends to who I disclosed certain feelings, and so I finally relented because what more harm could it do? To my shock and horror, I actually did feel better once I wrote down what I was feeling – even if it was something as simple as admitting I was scared or unsure of something. What I realized in this process was that it wasn’t helping me to stay stuck in the mental spiral I was so used to existing in, and my choosing to take out a journal and write down everything I felt was the equivalent of throwing a wrench into my typical mental process.

So, if you’ve never taken to paper to let out your thoughts, you might find yourself wondering how to start. While at this point I don’t use prompts and rather start writing every thought that comes into my head which will indirectly answer a lot of these questions, some of the prompts that helped me at the beginning were:

• What am I feeling anxious or overthinking about right now?
• What evidence do I have that my fears or worries are true (or not)?
• What can I control about how I feel right now?
• Where do I feel the anxiety in my body?
• How can I try to relax physically?
• What is something I can do to soothe myself in this moment?

Be kind to yourself in this process. Dealing with these thoughts and feelings is not easy, so show yourself as much grace as you can muster up as you work through these difficult moments. It might not work right away, but with time and reflection, this process should at least help to alleviate some of the uncomfortableness that comes with these phases.

2. Talk It Out

Some of my anxious thoughts were, and still are, cyclical. They would be triggered by certain life events, videos online, or even a simple harmless statement made by a friend. The worst part is that often times, these thoughts were fears that would loom in the back of my mind regarding future events or possible outcomes for upcoming situations. The more I allowed these to fester in my head, the stronger the fear grew and the quicker the cycle of overthinking would repeat. My biggest issue with these was the level of superstition I associated with them, the idea that if I admitted to them or said them out loud, I would be somehow sealing the fate of them occurring. It took me a very long time to be able to talk about some of the more troublesome thoughts I was having, and really the only reason I did was because I felt like I was going to drive myself insane if I didn’t.

I remember being terrified going into a session with my therapist, and it took me plenty of crying and stammering in between sobs to get out the full thought. All of my fears about what would happen if I admitted my fears out loud were shut down the minute I managed to get the last word out. The sky didn’t fall, no one judged me, I didn’t permanently stamp my fear into reality. Rather, I finally felt a sense of relief. A few minutes of conversation and admitting my fear allowed me to go about the rest of my day and the following days without the thought emerging. When the thought did re-emerge, it wasn’t as daunting or debilitating as it had been, and I learned that the more I talked about it the less significance it held in my mind.

I would make sure if and when you do decide to talk about these things, it’s with someone you trust fully and who you know will support and back you through whatever it is you bring up. I wasn’t able to discuss these things with anyone in my personal life until I worked through it with a therapist, so don’t feel discouraged if these thoughts feel too big to share with a friend or loved one.

3. Ask Yourself, “Who Told You That?”

This was one of the biggest helps for me when it came to challenging my anxious thoughts, which is something I would encourage everyone to do if they’re struggling with overthinking. This doesn’t work with every thought or fear, but in specific circumstances, it can be exactly what is necessary to break free of the cycle. Challenging your anxious thoughts is important because it helps move your brain away from the negative thinking that often fuels anxiety. When we experience anxious thoughts, our brains can jump to worst-case scenarios, catastrophize situations, or rely on distorted thinking patterns like overgeneralization or black-and-white thinking. By challenging these thoughts, we can reframe them, analyze their validity, and reduce their emotional intensity.

An example of this could look like having the thought, “I have a big presentation at work next week, and I just know I’m going to mess it up. I’m going to forget everything, embarrass myself, and my boss will think I’m not capable.” In this situation, if you asked yourself “Who told you that?” the answer would be… nobody. It might not work the first time, but over time, this should highlight the internal assumptions and distorted thinking that promote our anxious thoughts. This should also help you realize that these thoughts are not based on any reality, and should in turn help disrupt any further spiraling or acceptance of your thoughts as inherent truths.

4. I Hate to Say It, But: Deep Breathing

This feels like when someone tells you to “calm down” or “just relax” when you’re upset or going through something, completely obvious and unhelpful. I never wanted to believe in the correlation between deep breathing and feeling more relaxed, especially when I was experiencing heightened or frustrating emotions, but there is a lot of validity to it. It works because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which counteracts the body’s “fight or flight” response to stress, which in turn has a ton of great benefits like:

• Regulating the nervous system
• Increasing oxygen flow
• Shifting your focus
• Lowering stress hormones
• Improving your emotional regulation

So, although not the words you may want to hear when experiencing anxious thoughts or feelings, there are a ton of benefits of incorporating deep breathing into these moments as well as your daily routine. My favorite exercise, which is one I learned through hypnobirthing and then my doula, is “in for four, out for more.” Take a deep breath in through your nose for a count of four, and then release the breath through your mouth for up to a count of eight – repeat until you feel yourself feeling more regulated.

5. Grounding or Physical Activity

These sort of fall into the same space as deep breathing did for me in the beginning. I didn’t want to think that there was something as seemingly straightforward as taking a walk or connecting to my environment that would be able to walk me back into a mental space that wasn’t burdened with overthinking or anxiety, but alas, I was wrong. Physical activity is great at lowering your stress hormones and releasing endorphins, and it blew my mind the first time I decided to take a short walk while having an episode of chronic overthinking, just to get home and realize I actually did feel better. Some of the other physical activities that have worked for me in these moments are:

• Swimming
• Dancing
• Pilates
• Strength training

The same goes for grounding, which is a technique used to help bring yourself back to the present moment. It involves using the five senses or mental exercises to reconnect with the here and now, helping to interrupt anxious or racing thoughts. It works by diverting attention away from anxious thoughts and focusing instead on the physical world or your immediate surroundings. Some grounding activities you can try are:

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique:
  • Identify 5 things you can see
  • 4 things you can touch
  • 3 things you can hear
  • 2 things you can smell
  • 1 thing you can taste
• Physical Touch
  • Holding onto a textured object, running your hands under cold water, or touching something soft to bring your focus to tactile sensations.
• Recalling a Safe Place
  • Visualizing a peaceful place or recalling a calming memory in detail to anchor yourself.

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Anxious thoughts are some of the most frustrating and debilitating mental cycles to be stuck in, and as much as I’m a big proponent of therapy and finding the help you need to manage your symptoms, I also believe in being proactive and finding ways to mitigate these feelings on your own. Remember that not all of these will work for you, and even if one does work, it’s not the end-all-be-all. Take care of yourself and always practice self-compassion, these mental patterns can be difficult enough without being hard on yourself about them.

With love,